My daughter, The Ferrari

This is a 2008 Ferrari 612 Scaglietti.
If you wanted to buy one, you’d pay more than $300,000.
And you wouldn’t even get to test drive it first.
The makers of this car believe it is something really special.
Owners agree.
Something beautiful and precious to be prized and cherished,
taken care of and protected.
It is irreplaceable.

YOU are a Ferrari.
You are worth far more than $300,000.
You are beautiful and precious.
You should be prized and cherished, taken care of and protected.
You are irreplaceable.
Set your standards high and your goals higher.
You are a Ferrari.

I wrote this for my duaghter when she started noticing boys and they started noticing right back. I didn't want to blast her all the time and hover... I wanted her to value herself. I remember telling her once that she deserves to be "chased" and should NEVER be the one doing the chasing. My son (who was 8 at the time) snorted. I whirled around on him and said "Listen Buster...any girl who doesn't expect you to chase her...ISN'T WORTH CATCHING."

Sike!

OK...sooo...I did NOT quit smoking like I said I would. Although I think about it every day. Each night before I go to bed, as I'm puffing away on the last smoke of the night, I think to myself "Ok, so tomorrow, we get up and we don't light up. Easy right?" To make it worse, in the mornings, not only do I remember these conversations with myself but I guiltily light up anyway. Ugh. What a wuss.

Last year when I decided to quit, I didn't go cold turkey. I cut back more and more until I was down to 3 a day! I was SO proud of myself!! And then ExHusband #2 called. Also known "that-large-scary-alcoholic-control-freak-cop-I-was-married-to-last-time", he called out of the blue after nearly two years (long enough for me to NOT recognize his phone number) and started yelling at me as soon as I picked up the phone. And I had no clue what he was talking about. He kept saying he'd been angry about this for a long time and wanted to know just what I had to say for myself. About what??? He just couldn't figure out whether I was really that ignorant or if it was out of malicious intent that I'd done it. Done what?!?!?!? Anyway, I figured I'd been called ignorant by this particular man enough in my lifetime and hung up on him. Nevertheless, I was really shaken up. Of course, he called back. But, I...did.not.answer.the.phone!! Ha ha! Sorry voicemail lady - you get to talk to him from now on! Turns out he was ANGRY with me for telling HIS mother that his employer had forced him to go to rehab for his alcohol problem while we were still together!!! Now...as a mother myself...that's just something I think a Mama wants to know. And if her SON wasn't going to tell her...I was certainly NOT going to LIE to her when she asked me flat out what was going on with him. Oddly enough...it seems police departments don't really like it when officers show up for work smelling like they just crawled out of a brewery. But I digress. After his phone call, I HAD TO HAVE A CIGARETTE. I know, I know - what wuss I.

Still, I think about quitting everyday, more than once a day. But I can't bring myself to just do it. I think maybe a part of me is a little afraid that if I ever do - HE will call again. Or he will find me. Or just something completely crappy will happen that will totally blow the whole deal. Almost like I'm warding off evil without by poisoning myself within. Pretty twisted thought process there.

Thoughts?